Holiday classic: Christmas fruitcake recipe

bluebird of bitterness

Ingredients:

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup mixed nuts
1 gallon whiskey

1. Put the butter and sugar in a large bowl.

2. Check the whiskey to make sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.

3. Turn on the mixer. 

4. Beat the butter and sugar in the bowl.

5. Check the whiskey again. Cry another tup. Or two.

6. Turn off the mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl, along with the dried fruit.

7. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

8. Sample the whiskey again to check for consisticity.

9. Sift the salt. Or something. Who cares.

10. Repeat Step 8.

11. Sift…

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